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+--- Forum: Introductions (https://www.ftmsurgery.net/forums/f-introductions)
+--- Thread: Newbie (/t-newbie)
Newbie - theforealdeal - 08-25-2015
hello, just joined forum.
im 32, came out when i was 25. just really accepted my true desire to become a guy. i decided to to start gravitating towards what felt 'right' and found out what moments i wasnt faking happiness, when i was 100% real.
growing up, i was always the girl that looked like pig pen from Charlie Brown. i was the girl in first grade that could hang out at the top of the monkey bars with the boys.
i knew at a very early age that i regretted how my body came out, i felt like it was a mistake, and i fantasized about how much better each interaction in my life would have been if i were a boy.
as soon as girls started kissing boys at the end of fourth grade, the thought of doing that or getting close to a boy would immediately follow with a blood-chill freak sensation of complete and utter wrongness. i followed the fear and became asexual pretty much from then on until i started having feelings for girls which i did my best to condition myself out of for years and carried on a double life, i was a non-stop lie.
through therapy, trial and fire, i have been improving, although sometimes refining my negative self talk. its tough to accept something as true if you had told yourself a repetitive amounts of times that you were the exception to all types of truth on worth, on all levels and scales did not find you in worth.
its a long road to the top if you want to rock n roll. so, its a work in progress.
Sent from my LG-H631 using Tapatalk
RE: Newbie - Joshua - 08-31-2015
Thanks for sharing your journey!
Yup, it's a long road, with many detours and roadblocks, but worth riding to the top! I'm a long way from there still, but try to keep it in my sights.